Monday, July 18, 2011
New day...
same confused feelings. Is it as bitchy as i feel it is that if i have to be miserable i don't want him to be happy either? I just wish i could be happy again. The way i feel right now i don't know if that can happen or not. Writing in this blog at least gets all of these feelings in words, which helps a little. :/
Saturday, July 16, 2011
First post in forever
So I know I haven't posted in forever, and its really sad. I became one of THOSE bloggers i guess, but im determined to fix that. Im just going to start writing and put it all out on the table.
I've been semi-depressed for the last week or so, because my boyfriend of over a year went on a vacation to Canada. I know, I know, I'll live. But it still sucks and i miss him like crazy. Teenage love, i guess, but its more than just teenage love. I want to spend the rest of my life with this boy and I hope/believe that that is what he wants too. The problem is that I don't know where to draw the line as far as how huge a part of my life i should make him- if going two weeks without him is killing me inside does that mean I am to dependent and reliant on him for my happiness? Yet isn't that the way a relationship should be? ugh. I am afraid that I may have been focusing to much on him lately and haven't been focusing enough time on friends. I have been talking to and connecting to my friends a lot more in the week that he has been gone, and I wont lie its been nice. It kinda hit me that I may have been a bit of an absent sucky friend lately, and I don't want to be that person. So i guess him leaving opened up my eyes to the fact that I need to focus some of the time I put on him towards my friends, because I love them to and I know they love me back. I need to find a happy medium.
Him being gone has also opened my eyes to the fact that I think i will never be able to leave him when i go to college next year so ill probably end up going to clarion uni, not that that's a bad thing. I'm glad i know that i cant stand leaving him before i went and decided to go to a school a couple of hours away thinking I could deal with the distance only to realize that it was killing me and being stuck in an emotionally terrible position. Gods little gifts in terrible situations, I guess, are what make bad moments kinda okay in a way. Yet I have a feeling with my 4.0 GPA and scoring over a 1200 on the SATs i may be able to get a full scholarship to college, which would put me in a bad situation. Take the free ride to college and risk losing the boy I love like crazy and always will love, or take the financial hit and keep my heart happy and be there for the boy I love?
I am so confused. So many big things happening in my life this year, and I don't know how i will deal with them. I just want to make decisions in my life that i will be able to live with so I wont have to regret making the wrong decisions for the rest of my life. I don't want to screw this up.
I've been semi-depressed for the last week or so, because my boyfriend of over a year went on a vacation to Canada. I know, I know, I'll live. But it still sucks and i miss him like crazy. Teenage love, i guess, but its more than just teenage love. I want to spend the rest of my life with this boy and I hope/believe that that is what he wants too. The problem is that I don't know where to draw the line as far as how huge a part of my life i should make him- if going two weeks without him is killing me inside does that mean I am to dependent and reliant on him for my happiness? Yet isn't that the way a relationship should be? ugh. I am afraid that I may have been focusing to much on him lately and haven't been focusing enough time on friends. I have been talking to and connecting to my friends a lot more in the week that he has been gone, and I wont lie its been nice. It kinda hit me that I may have been a bit of an absent sucky friend lately, and I don't want to be that person. So i guess him leaving opened up my eyes to the fact that I need to focus some of the time I put on him towards my friends, because I love them to and I know they love me back. I need to find a happy medium.
Him being gone has also opened my eyes to the fact that I think i will never be able to leave him when i go to college next year so ill probably end up going to clarion uni, not that that's a bad thing. I'm glad i know that i cant stand leaving him before i went and decided to go to a school a couple of hours away thinking I could deal with the distance only to realize that it was killing me and being stuck in an emotionally terrible position. Gods little gifts in terrible situations, I guess, are what make bad moments kinda okay in a way. Yet I have a feeling with my 4.0 GPA and scoring over a 1200 on the SATs i may be able to get a full scholarship to college, which would put me in a bad situation. Take the free ride to college and risk losing the boy I love like crazy and always will love, or take the financial hit and keep my heart happy and be there for the boy I love?
I am so confused. So many big things happening in my life this year, and I don't know how i will deal with them. I just want to make decisions in my life that i will be able to live with so I wont have to regret making the wrong decisions for the rest of my life. I don't want to screw this up.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I LOVE...
Glenn Beck! he's totally awesome, Sam, i don't care what you say! You're just jealous of him and his awesome chalkboard! wow is his chalkboard awesome... I love that chalkboard. :P
hes the best thing ever!
and he even has a totally awesome website... :)
http://www.glennbeck.com/
WOOOO!! go Fox news!
you shoulda seen this coming after history Sam lol
hes the best thing ever!
and he even has a totally awesome website... :)
http://www.glennbeck.com/
WOOOO!! go Fox news!
you shoulda seen this coming after history Sam lol
Monday, July 12, 2010
My First Post
Okay, so this is my first post on my very own blog! :)
I decided to make this on a whim, because some of my closest friends have blogs. So here I am at 3 in the morning creating my own. Not one of my better ideas, considering I have to get up at 8 this morning to go to Du Bois. My brother Brady has some sort of meeting at Triangle Tech there. I'm glad he's going to school and getting a degree- the closer he is to moving out, the better! If you notice I'm rambling on, get used to it- the blog title warns of my randomness. My mind switches directions at any given moment. Just ask any of my friends.
Anyway, I'm going to have to learn how all of this works- having my own blog, I mean. If you are wondering what kind of stuff might show up here, to be honest, I'm not completely sure myself. On that note, Always expect the Unexpected.
Topics that may pop up:
1. Any random thing that happens to me at any given moment. :P
2. Books, books, and more books. I love reading. :)
3. Hockey- I love my Pens. Hate the Flyers. So there, Niki, Sam, and all of the other haters!! lol
4. Music- Love my country, some rock in there too.
5. Friends, Family, Boyfriend ~ nothing's off limits! lol
6. School - as a warning, us nerds prefer the name Intellectual Badass. (thank you facebook! :P) Yes, I do give a damn about school!
7. Hunting - tree-hugging animal-rights activists, this is not the right place for you! :)
8. Religion- I'm Roman Catholic and proud of it, and my faith can and will pop up in my posts occasionally- skip 'em if you like. Don't mean to offend anyone, but i will not monitor myself for you, on my own personal blog.
And that's all I can think of right now. Goodnight, Goodmorning, its all good.
I decided to make this on a whim, because some of my closest friends have blogs. So here I am at 3 in the morning creating my own. Not one of my better ideas, considering I have to get up at 8 this morning to go to Du Bois. My brother Brady has some sort of meeting at Triangle Tech there. I'm glad he's going to school and getting a degree- the closer he is to moving out, the better! If you notice I'm rambling on, get used to it- the blog title warns of my randomness. My mind switches directions at any given moment. Just ask any of my friends.
Anyway, I'm going to have to learn how all of this works- having my own blog, I mean. If you are wondering what kind of stuff might show up here, to be honest, I'm not completely sure myself. On that note, Always expect the Unexpected.
Topics that may pop up:
1. Any random thing that happens to me at any given moment. :P
2. Books, books, and more books. I love reading. :)
3. Hockey- I love my Pens. Hate the Flyers. So there, Niki, Sam, and all of the other haters!! lol
4. Music- Love my country, some rock in there too.
5. Friends, Family, Boyfriend ~ nothing's off limits! lol
6. School - as a warning, us nerds prefer the name Intellectual Badass. (thank you facebook! :P) Yes, I do give a damn about school!
7. Hunting - tree-hugging animal-rights activists, this is not the right place for you! :)
8. Religion- I'm Roman Catholic and proud of it, and my faith can and will pop up in my posts occasionally- skip 'em if you like. Don't mean to offend anyone, but i will not monitor myself for you, on my own personal blog.
And that's all I can think of right now. Goodnight, Goodmorning, its all good.
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